It Takes A Village...

To raise a child, as the phrase usually goes.

And also to gut, remodel, repair and prepare a building in Tanzania to be acceptable for living in just two months’ time. 

In the first few months of this year, Teddy learned that the abandoned building next door to Stella Maris, which has been an eye sore for several years, was available to rent.  Teddy met with the family that owned the building and with her savvy business skills, she negotiated the acquisition of the building for the next TWENTY years. She really is remarkable, I tell ya. 

The vision for the new building is as follows: it would become the ‘little sister’ to the Stella Maris Lodge AND it would serve as a community center.  The first floor would be renovated and used for community-identified needs, such as a library, adult education center, computer lab, etc and the second floor would be cut into thirteen additional rooms for Stella Maris guests. The rooms would be of the same quality as the lodge, but would be geared towards a slightly different clientele:  long term volunteers, volunteer groups, larger groups coming for safari or climbing Kilimanjaro or individuals that are looking for a little more cost efficient accommodation. The price of staying in one of the Annex rooms would be about $15 - $20 less than The Lodge and would have a few minor differences: no air-conditioning, smaller hot water heater and no balconies off of rooms. 

Recently, the new building has been named Stella Pointe Annex.  The name is very fitting as the ‘Stella’ in the new building’s name connects it to Stella Maris Lodge, BUT the separate name also demonstrates a clear distinction between The Lodge and The Annex.  Since Stella Pointe Annex is geared more towards groups, the name is also appropriate because many groups of the groups we host come to climb Mount Kilimanjaro – and there is a location called Stella Pointe during the climb right before you reach the top of the mountain, Uhuru Peak.  

Acquiring this additional building means many great things for Stella Maris.  Firstly, it means that we are able to host more guests daily (with the additional thirteen additional rooms – many of which are suite style and thus can hold four people).  More guests = more revenue = more money for the school. J Secondly, it means that large service groups that stay with us, which happens a handful of times a year, can have their own space at Stella Pointe Annex– as opposed to the current situation where volunteer groups and regular clients of The Lodge share the same building, which can, at times, be less than ideal.  Thirdly, Stella Maris would be better able to serve the Mailisita community, particularly the adults, through the resources, businesses, etc that will exist on the first floor of the Annex and be available to the community.

This all sounds dandy, however, the previous state of the building was an absolute mess.

View of the building from the road. 

Building before the roof had been added. 

What the first floor common area began as. 

Building the stairs and the hallway to the second floor.

A former long-term volunteer, Adam, has been planning to bring a large group (27 people) from the States to Stella Maris to visit and to help assist in the building of the school’s new kitchen.   His group was scheduled to arrive mid-July, which meant that Teddy had two months to turn Stella Pointe into an inviting, clean, safe space for Adam’s group during their time in Tanzania.

Now, before I continue, I must explain how construction usually goes in Tanzania to give some context for what an immense task Teddy had at hand.  Usually, workers are paid based upon how long the project takes to finish – not the amount of work produced.  As you can imagine, with this sort of system, workers take their sweeettt time finishing a project and thus, it has become the norm that building anything takes an extremely long time.  There was a building about half of the size of Stella Pointe that was ‘under construction’ for the ENTIRE time I was here last time (seven months).  I was pleasantly surprised to see that the construction of that building had finished when I returned.  Conversely, though, there is another building not too far down the same road that simply had the frame of the building completed when I left two years ago and is currently still in the exact condition.

Finishing up the roof!

When I arrived in early June, the workers had just begun.  There was a great deal of remodeling that needed to happen first: many walls had to be taken down and likewise put up to create the needed floor plan for the second floor and to ensure that the building had enough support to remain standing (it was a little questionable before) J.  Oh, and an entire new plumbing system and a roof had to be installed.  All of this work was finished with one week left in June. 

That left the workers about three weeks to turn what was now a safe and functional building into an actual living space.  All electrical wiring needed to be completed.   Tiling, painting, installment of light fixtures, toilets, water heaters, sinks, etc had to be taken care of.  Then there were the smaller items that each room and bathroom would need: wardrobes, mirrors, towel racks, toilet paper holders, curtains, curtain holders and on and on. So much work and so little time.  But, Teddy transitioned into ‘boss mode’ and made it happen.  Walls began to be painted, electrical wiring came together and fixtures were placed to cover the dangerous wires.  Tiles began to cover the concrete ground and toilets, sinks, and shower heads were installed. 

Tiling beginning. 

First room completely tiled.

With about ten days left before Adam’s group arrived, the thirteen bedrooms were complete – except for those final decorations like curtain hangers, curtains, wardrobes and all of the bathroom decorative items.  It was now time to clean those rooms and move onto the tiling, painting, electrical work, etc of the two, larger common spaces and the massive balcony that surrounds the common space.  Even with all of the incredible work that had been – and so quickly – it seems like the work was never ending.  And, Adam’s group was arriving in just a few shorts days.

Amazing what tiles and fresh paint can do to a room. 

Can't beat that natural light. 

And, we have toilets!

Satellite is up and the gate has arrived!

About a week before the group arrived, Teddy learned that some of the tasks she was planning to take care of after Adam’s group had come and gone – exterior gate, outdoor lights, generator, wifi, etc – needed to be available for Adam’s group.  With all of the other work that was going on, it was difficult for Teddy to add these items to her plate, but like always, she made it happen.  She worked nonstop.  She hired more workers to build the foundation for the gate and got it installed.  She hired more electricians to get strong, outdoor lights placed on the exterior of the building as well as the pathway from The Lodge to The Annex.  She bought a generator and had a room built around it to decrease the noise guests could hear from it when in use.    And, she got pneumonia. L

But, she kept working.  And so did the workers –25 of which were at the building at any given time.  With just a handful of days left before Adam’s group arrived, Dave, one of the Board of Directors of the Mailisita Foundation arrived for his annual visit.  Tiles were still being laid for the outdoor balcony and on the stairway from the second floors where guests would stay to the first floor entrance of the building.  All electrical wiring had not yet been finished in the common rooms.  Beds were being assembled in each of the rooms. The fundi (mason) who was going to build the wardrobes had just visited to take measurements to begin building the wardrobes.  Understandably so, Dave was concerned that all of these final tasks would not get finished in time.  For a moment, based upon the amount of progress that still had to be made in a short period of time, there was a question of whether the group should move to a different location for their visit.  However, as someone who has lived in Tanzania for an extended period of time, I’ve seen crazier things happen and expected that this was how things would go.  We would work down to the wire –  to the absolute, very last second.  But, Teddy said it would be ready, and I would happily bet all of my money in favor of Teddy any day. J

Beginning to assemble the beds. 

With two days left, Teddy’s housekeeping staff went into massive cleaning mode.  I helped hang the curtains in the rooms while the women cleaned all around me.  The final tiles were placed on the second floor and the men started tiling the stairs to the entrance.  The gate was secured along the fence that ran along the perimeter of the land.  The outdoor lights were installed and shone brightly. A TV was installed in the common area.   The man who was installing the mirrors, towel racks and toilet paper holders was working hard to get those items assembled in every bathroom. 

Finishing touches on one of the common areas. 

All of the rooms were cleaned about four times. 

TV installed and floor complete in one of the common rooms - now time to clean!

The group was scheduled to arrive on Sunday.  Naturally, it was a madhouse over at Stella Pointe for all of Saturday.  Teddy never sat down and she still had pneumonia.  Dave and I painted the staircase from the second floor to the first floor for the ENTIRE day – 10 hours. Women continued to clean. At 6pm on Saturday night, the waiters from The Lodge started moving extra furniture from The Lodge over to the Annex for the common areas. Also, right around 6pm, the fundi who made the wardrobes delivered the thirteen wardrobes for each room.  Teddy told the men that they were not going home that night until all of the wardrobes were assembled in each room – no matter what time it was. So Saturday night was a family affair: all staff of the Lodge and I swept, washed, arranged furniture and did all of the final preparations into the early hours of Sunday morning. A long day for sure, but it also was a very rewarding one being surrounded by my Tanzanian family and seeing all of the hard work of two months come together. 

Before.

10 hours later. 

Covered in paint and thankful to be finished!

Sunday finally arrived! Adam’s group would arrive in a few hours. The women washed one final time.  A final coat of paint was applied to the stairwell from the first floor to the second floor.  I brought some smaller items I had in my room, deck of cards, a few books, etc to The Annex to give the common area a home-y feel.  We brought over a few pots of plants from The Lodge as well to liven up the place.  We placed name tags on the doors of the rooms.  Teddy and I anxiously awaited their arrival.

The curtains and accent wall really bring the rooms to life.

Wardrobe that appears in each guest room. 

Common area!

Adam’s group has been staying at Stella Pointe Annex for exactly a week now.  Things have gone well.  We worked out a few kinks – one day there was a minor problem with the water and one day the electricity was acting weird – but such things are expected with a new building.  The rooms are spacious, bright and inviting.  The wardrobes are unique and add a bit of character to the rooms.  The group has an entire building to call their own, which, as expected, is a definite advantage for a large group.

June 1st, 2016.

July 10th, 2017. 

Before.

The same room - after!

The woman, the myth, the legend!

The hard work of the last two months came together and like always, I am so proud and impressed with Teddy.  It was really quite fun to be here to watch (and assist with) the progress of The Stella Pointe Annex.  Good things continue to come for the Mailisita Foundation and most importantly, the children!

Ume Toka Wapi?

In Swahili, it means: where are you from?

I get asked this question daily, understandably so as I very clearly stand out as a foreigner in this land.  And for the past few days, although my outward response has been the same, Nime toka Marekani, my internal feelings as I claim to be an American have changed.

Or maybe a better way to put it is that I have been forcefully and unforgettably reminded of how unjust, unsafe and infuriating life in America is for people of color.  Maybe because I am currently living in a country where everyone is an absolutely beautiful shade of brown, it is hitting me differently this time.

Even before the murder of Alton Sterling and the murder of Philando Castile and the killing of the five police officers in Dallas, I have never enjoyed the exchange that follows after I share that I was born in America. It often goes something like this (translated into English J):

New Tanzanian friend: Where are you from?

Me: I am from America.

New Tanzanian friend: America! Wow! America is so great.

Me: Yes, there are many great things about America – just like there are many great things about Tanzania.

New Tanzanian friend: Tanzania?  No, no, no.  America is so much better.

Me: Ahhhhh, America isn’t always so great.  It has problems just like every other country.

New Tanzanian friend: Noooooo. In America, people are rich.  In America, people have lots of things – nice car, nice house, nice clothes.

Me: Some people in America do have nice things, but not everyone.  There are poor people in America, just like here.  And, in America, not everyone is friendly and helpful.  People are not as kind and joyful as people here in Tanzania.  People are not as happy. 

New Tanzanian friend: No way.  Get out of here….

You get the picture.  I can’t think of how many times that I have had this same conversation with a new acquaintance.  And, in all honesty, I don’t think I’ve convinced even one person that America isn’t all glitz and glamour, that the media only shows outsiders what it wants others to see and hides a great deal of the truth.  Even my closest friends, Teddy and Inno, who have been subjected to endlessssss conversations about the shortcomings of the land of the ‘free’ are still overwhelmingly in love with the idea of America.

Now, let me not appear as though that I am not thankful for my American privilege. I am deeply grateful for being born in a country where my citizenship allows me to travel to any country that I want and affords me many other privileges throughout the world.  Not that I earned nor deserve this privilege, but since I have it, I do my absolute best to be conscious of it and to not take it for granted.

But, I wish I could help people here see that in many ways, people in Tanzania are much more fortunate than those of us that live in America.  People here are honestly happier – often, with much less (material things) than those of us in the States.  People care about one another and know what it means to be an active, contributing member of society.  People actually talk to one another – not email, not text – but sit down together, without any electronics, and build meaningful relationships.  And people of color here definitely do not have to face the mistreatment, assuming the worst by many police officers and the rest of the reality that is unique to people of color in America.

My heart is heavy.  Venting is not going to change anything, and boy there are a lot of changes that need to be made.

As I have read many reflections in the past few days, the following images really struck me.  They each seem to hold a key piece to the puzzle of how we begin to rethink how we think, how we act, how communicate a need for change, how we make that change ACTUALLY happen so our children will grow up in a different, better, juster, safer, more compassionate world:

It is one month until I return home, and I will happily spend this month here in Tanzania.  My absence from America does not make the atrocities that are occurring any less horrific, but I welcome the (safe) distance from the events.  And, I am not naïve enough to think that anything will be ‘solved’ by the time I come home next month.  I do pledge, however, to make conscious decisions with my words and actions upon my return to American soil to intentionally and unapologetically be a part of the beginning of a solution to America’s broken state. 

You Can Take the Girl Out of America, But You Can't Take America Out of the Girl

Or you can send one of the greatest symbols of America to Tanzania, rather.

Since my return to Tanzania, Stella Maris has hosted several groups of ROTC cadets who have come to Tanzania for three weeks through the Army’s CULP: Cultural Understanding and Language Program.  The last type of visitor I thought I would encounter at Stella Maris was an American solider (in training), but isn't that how life goes?

It has been a great couple of weeks with the different groups of cadets who have come.  During their stay, cadets spend one week in three different parts of the country.  One week they stay at the Tanzanian Military Academy (TMA) not too far from Mailisita.   During this week, they are paired with a soldier from the Tanzanian army and endure the same physical training that the local militia goes through.  From the stories the cadets have shared, TMA is absolutely no joke.  For the other two weeks, cadets volunteer, one week in Dar es Salaam and one week here in Mailisita.  

I 100% admit that my exposure to anything American army has been very limited until lately, but I was pleasantly surprised when I heard that the army had such a program to which young cadets throughout the country can apply.  Pretty narrow-mindedly, I only thought of the army entering countries for the purpose of war, not to expose kids to different cultures.  Way to go, Uncle Sam. 

My opinion of the army has definitely changed for the better because of my knowledge of this program.  And, my opinion of the army has also changed because of the great kids (well, they are still in college, so they are kids to me J) that I have had the chance to work with over the last few weeks.  We have some remarkable young people choosing to serve their country in the very near future. 

Originally, the plan for the CULP groups to stay at the hotel during their time in Mailisita and to travel each day to a high school nearby and volunteer there.  Unfortunately, the high school they were supposed to work with has turned out to not be the most organized and the ROTC kids were not really benefiting, or actually helping, during the time they would spend there each day.  For example, the high school they were scheduled to work with is actually on holiday right now, and so some days there were only six students who showed up for the eight cadets to work with.  So, after one of the earlier groups experienced this, the soldier overseeing all of the groups asked me one night at dinner if I could create a schedule for the cadets to work at Stella Maris for the remaining weeks.  

Of course, they can.  

It has been a lot of fun (and logistical planning J) to create a strong, sound schedule for 8 – 14 cadets which is beneficial both to the volunteers and our Stella Maris school kids (and teachers alike).  The cadets mainly have been teaching English and math to grades P2 – P6 during their stay.  I have been impressed with how they really jumped right into the role of being a teacher and owning the learning of their students.  One day, the pair of cadets that I assigned to work with P5 stayed in the P5 classroom from 8:40am to 12:20pm (when they were supposed to be done teaching at 10:30) because the kids were really struggling with fractions and they were not willing to move on until all kids understood the challenging concept.  The cadets also have been popping into their peers’ classrooms and helping out when other students have been struggling with a concept (like P3’s struggle with long division and P4’s struggle with solving for perimeter of squares and rectangles) to increase the amount of one-on-one support that students can receive.  In addition to classroom teaching, the cadets have been monumentally helpful in going through all of the donations we have received in the last two years and reorganizing the library as a result.  Earlier this week, the cadets spent all of their down time, organizing, grouping similar items, cleaning, etc, the library, which is has been completely ‘updated’ because of their assistance – something which would have taken me as an individual at least a month to do.  

This last group has been particularly special, though.  

Firstly, they have an awesome leader.  MasSar (as they call him – short for Master Sargent) has reminded me of many of the most important parts of being a successful, motivating, fair and kind leader in the week he has been at Stella Maris .  It has been awesome to simply watch him interact with his group, somewhat as an outsider, but as someone who has spent enough time with the group that I have learned a lot of the dynamics and such.  MasSar never proclaims he is the leader.  The cadets respect him because of how he operates, how he treats them and because has been all over the world with the army (he and his family have been living in Italy for the last two years, after spending six years in Germany).  MasSar also is completely ‘in’ with the group, meaning that he is a hands on leader: he eats with them, he comes to school and pitches in where he can, he laughs with them, jokes with them and they joke with him.  God sure sent me a great blessing in allowing me the chance to observe MasSar with his cadets this week.

In addition to MasSar (and not a bigger shocker, since leadership trickles down), this group of cadets has been an additional blessing in my life.  For the last week, they have welcomed me into their family with open arms.  We have eaten all of our meals together, learned about each other, joked together AND every night after dinner, played my most favorite game from college, MAFIA.  Mafia in Tanzania - who would have thought?!  Enjoying dinner, having great conversation and ending the night with a few games of Mafia this week has made this week so fun - definitely one of the highlights on my time so far.  

There is a cadet here who is studying to be a nurse who has a great balance of humor, leadership and drive.  People enjoy being around him because he has a great outlook and makes the most of all situations.  There is another cadet who is always seeking to help out, asking what else needs to be done when others are taking a (deserved) break.  There is yet another cadet who is hoping to become an army chaplain who a heart that is so sweet and kind and accepting that she reminds me of a younger version of my sainted godmother.  I could rave about each of them. 

In my work with younger generations, I have found that that they often have a harder time connecting with people and being in the 'present moment' because there has been technology and instantaneous everything for every moment they have been breathing.  These cadets, a group of college kids who did not know each other a week ago and who are from all over the country, have so greatly impressed me, an almost-out-of-my-twenties-old-fart, and defied all of the stereotypes of college kids who ‘don’t care’ or are ‘obsessed with technology’.  If you had told me before they arrived that I would have developed such a soft spot for this group of college kids in a week, I probably would have laughed out loud.  But, it is funny how you can feel connected to a group of people over a short period of time – when that group is full of dynamic, enthusiastic, kind, hard-working, funny and honest people.  I know I am better for having spent almost every waking hour with these cadets, and I hope that they, too, have benefited from their time at Stella Maris. 

Returning to Tanzania

I have been back in Tanzania for almost a week now (!!) and throughout this first week, many thoughts, reflections and emotions have (naturally) surfaced.  Struggling to capture it all, I decided to make my first post consist of two ‘top six lists’.

Top Six Things that Have Changed (in no particular order)

6. School Faces.  Not a shocker that faces have come and gone in two years. Madam Gonda, such a sweet lady and the first teacher who really welcomed me at the school, has retired.  Madam Jennifer, who joined the teaching staff just a few months before I left, is now married and a ‘veteran’ teacher.  And, there are two new males teachers on staff, Mr. Raymond and Mr. D.

5. Hotel faces.  Like with teacher faces, some people who I used to see everyday are not longer and new folks have been added.  The very kind Eunice has developed cancer and can no longer work.  L  The dining room staff has hired two new, young men, Lucas and Z.  Lucas is full of energy and a goof ball and Z is very reserved, polite and very helpful.  And, in addition to the Stella Maris staff family, Inno Mkubwa and his wife Glory now has his own young baby!

4. The school library.  While I was here last time, the oldest children and I worked hard on the library  to make it a special place. We made our own (OLD SCHOOL) ‘color’ coded filing system for each book in the library – by simply coloring small 1 in x 1 in squares of white paper six different colors based on the levl of difficulty of the book and taping those 'codes' on the spine of books  –  so that we could arrange them like a real library.  We numbered each puzzle within the library, and the corresponding pieces to each puzzle, so that they could be kept intact over time.  We sorted and stored the rest of the donations so that items were easy to access and so that we always knew how many we had of each item.  And, while I was here, the library was open twice a day EACH day, on a weekly schedule so that each grade got to visit twice per week, so that children could come a read, color, play with puzzles, PlayDough, etc.  It was my worry that when I left, the library would ‘shut down’ and the organization that we worked so hard to make happen would fall by the waste side.  I tried my best to seek the assistance of one of the younger teachers before I left to ‘run the library’ while I was away - but I learned from both the children and Teddy that the library is rarely opened, and I saw with my own eyes that the library has become more of a massive storage closet than a joyful place for children to visit.  This is not too surprising, though, as running or monitoring a library is beyond the ‘usual’ Tanzanian teacher responsibilities, so teachers would a) not be used to this additional task b) are less willing to understand the 'need' for the library to be open each day.  It was still disappointing to learn, nevertheless.  It is my personal mission while I am here this time to really buy Mama Shayo in the benefits of keeping the library open regularly so that it can continue when I head back to the States in August.  I’ll need any and all prayers on this matter. J

3. Stella Maris’s ‘run’ of the land in Mailisita.  Not only has the P7 classroom – the last classroom –  been built, making the school larger, but Stella Maris also has begun to rent the quite large ‘hotel/bar’  and accompanying outdoor space next door!  This acquisition means even more room for guests = more revenue = more resources available for the school and the children.  Today, Teddy and I went over to check on the progress of the repairs, and it was so cool to see the expansion of Stella Maris happening right before my eyes.  More to come about this later, too. 

2. Shamila.  My goddaughter who was just a mere 6 months when I left is now walking, talking and is gigantic – for a two year old!  Inno was so kind to bring her with him to the airport to pick me up, and although she had absolutely no clue who I was – understandably so, it was still so touching to see her in my first few minutes on Tanzanian soil.  She let me hold her while Inno loaded my bags in the car, sat in my lap for the entire ride from the airport to Stella Maris AND even fell asleep in my arms – suffice to say, my heart was overflowingly full. 

1. The children.  They are so big.  They are taller.  The boys look like young men and the girls are filling out into young women. They are becoming young adults.   Secondary school, here we come!

Top Six Things that Have Stayed the Same ( in no particular order)

6. Tanzanian time.  Today, I went to visit a scholar’s family and home (more coming soon about this visit), and I was told that I would be picked up at 5pm to go back to Stella Maris.  At 6pm, I was not yet worried, but figured I maybe should call to check in on things – but, since I have not yet set up my Tanzanian phone, I was out of luck.  Thankfully, at 6:27, Schola and Inno arrived with groceries from town.  J

5. Kili.  She , I like to call the mountain a she, is just as stunning as ever.  Although she has been hiding in the clouds recently, it has been so beautiful and calming to wake up to her for the few mornings she has been visible and watch her disappear as the sun sets.

4. Hearing Swahili around me.  I just love it!  It makes me want to learn more and more and more – while simultaneously making me feel like I know nothing at all. J

3. Mama Shayo and the teaching style.  She is still tough as nails.  She still scares all of the children and most adults.  She still is ‘saving’ donations so that if they ever stop coming – which they won’t- there will still be many things for the children to enjoy.  She still demands I take tea each morning.  She still calls me her daughter.  And, she still is open to this mzungu’s crazy, American ideas about teaching, the library, etc, which is saying quite a lot since the Tanzanian teaching style has not changed from 1950’s Catholic school approach to teaching in the two years since I have been here. 

2. Teddy.  Her smile, her laugh, her jokes.  She is still so sweet and so welcoming to all guests.  While her daughters are growing like weeds, she has lovingly taken in another child that did not have a home.  She is what makes Stella Maris come alive – what gives us the special ‘feel’ that cannot be beat. 

1. The children.  Their politeness, their graciousness, their work ethic, their appreciation of the smallest gesture, their sweet hearts, their resilience – all still 100% intact.

I found it almost poetic that both my lists naturally ended with the children, for they are why I am back and what makes this work worth it. 

Living Between Two Worlds: A Farewell to Tanzania

In general, life is one, big, balancing act.  I would say anyone over the age of 15 would probably agree with that.  In my still young, quickly approaching old age life, I have had the blessing and the curse of learning how to balance multiple things at one time on several different occasions.  When I was a young child, I lived between two houses and became the world’s youngest, most efficient packer.  It seemed that I was always packing a bag as I went from one house to another.  In high school, I was in every club imaginable as well as being an insanely driven and devoted athlete.  In college, I had two very different groups of friends, both of whom I loved, but between whom I had to split my time.  When I moved to New York after college, I had to learn how to balance building my first, real, on-my-own, adult life, keeping up with my college friends and finding a way to make sure that my family did not feel neglected. 

I suppose all of those events prepared me for now, for this moment: the biggest juggling act of my life thus far.  As I sit on the plane, now somewhere between the Netherlands and Boston, I feel like I am having an out-of-body experience.  I spent the entire leg of my journey between Tanzania and Amsterdam trading on and off between crying and sleeping.  I literally was doing one or the other the entire plane ride.  When I got to Amsterdam, I was able to connect to the internet for a short time before the free airport internet ‘ran out’.  The internet, for even a short time, was a true heaven sent, as I got to chat via What’sApp with Teddy and Inno for a few minutes.  Thank you God for the wonders of technology. Being able to text back and forth with them eased my anxiety, fears and sadness at least for a few minutes.  Plus, even though it was three o’clock in the morning in Michigan, my wise beyond his years baby brother was awake and was very comforting in his texts to me as well.  Texting him reminded me that although I have dreaded every second of coming home, I am fortunate to have many blessings, like Nick and the rest of my family, waiting for my return to the States. 

But, I am now on another plane, lost again in my thoughts.  I am returning to several familiar pieces of my former American life.  I get to spend a few days with my amazing family in Michigan before my mom and godmother pack up my life again and return me and all of my belongings to New York.  Back to my old, Brooklyn apartment which I love and back to the job I left last December to move to Tanzania which I also love. Returning to familiar things is one of the saving graces in this transition, and I am trying my best to not take that for granted.

Since I am returning to known entities, arguably I should find comfort in the familiarity.  I, however, am not the same.  Tanzania has changed me.  Now, this is not my first rodeo of returning to the States from a developing country, or from Africa specifically for that matter.  And, in all fairness, my time in Ghana was just as special to me as my time in Tanzania.  But after living in Tanzania for over half a year, finding my own Tanzanian family and falling in love the with the kids of Stella Maris over and over again each day, I have truly left a part of me, and a part of my heart, in Tanzania.

My life in America could not be more different than my life in Tanzania.  Please note the following rant is written entirely in generalizations and I fully realize the weakness of any argument grounded in generalizations.  Everything in America has a deadline, a specified timeline and harsh consequences for missing either of those. Especially when you work for a successful charter network on the East Coast and agreed to teach a full class load and serve as an instructional leader.  Unlike the relaxed, you are never really late (even if you are three hours late) approach in Tanzania. In America, there are a lot less dirt roads in the places I will be frequenting and I will have to readjust to driving on the opposite side of the street.  In America, it is easy to get caught up in complexities of life that I really enjoyed evaporating into thin air in Tanzania.   In America, the Internet will be the speed of light and almost always working.  Unlike in Tanzania, where there is always the possibility of the Internet not working, and if it is working, it is probably moving rather slow.  In America, people will keep their heads down and spend most of their days thinking about their to do lists, their busy schedule and their personal life.  In America, life is just hectic.  And often less fulfilling.  For me. 

So now, I have to figure out how to be present in America, read: not lamenting or dwelling on the fact that I am not in Tanzania.  And I have to be present in my life that is my American life – while holding onto the people, the traditions, the aspects of daily life of Tanzania.  At this current moment, where my emotions are sky rocketing and my optimism has temporarily hit rock bottom, the ability to merge these two worlds seems marginal at best.  Naturally, it will take me some time to get back into the American swing of things.  But the question I really have to decide for myself is do I want to get back into that swing?

How do I bring my adjusted self back to my former life? How do I hold onto the parts of my personality that I have strengthened in Tanzanian culture when American culture is so different? 

These are questions that will take quite some time to process.  I recognize my adjustment will not happen over night and I obviously have a lot to process.  I envision it being an uphill battle for a while, but that battle is far, far worth it.  The battle, and all of its hardships and causalities, is more than worth it because of the value of the experience of the last seven months of my life.

So, this will be my last post for now. 

Without a shadow of a doubt, I will be returning to Tanzania.  Sooner rather than later hopefully, and hopefully for another extended period of time.  Until those details are finalized, my writing will take a hiatus.  But, I figured the best way to close this amazing, life-changing, fulfilling, rewarding, educational, remarkable chapter of my life would be to share a few final pictures.

Thank you, Tanzania, for everything.

My farewell note to P5. 

Their reply. 

Harry Potter Frenzy

Thankfully, on the Saturday after my last day of teaching, P5 and I had a special event schedule – which made my eminent departure seem less real or at least temporarily forgotten. 

For the past few weeks, we have been reading the first Harry Potter book, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone.  I have been so proud of my P5 babies for accepting the challenge of reading this book.  Not only is the English in HP fairly difficult for a native English speaker, but on top of that, there are ‘wizarding’ words that regularly appear throughout the entire story.  So, imagine that you are a young child reading stories in your second language.   You continually encounter words that are new to you – even with your massive English vocabulary.  But now you are reading a story that has ‘made up’ – for all intensive purposes – words that you have to learn in order to understand the story.  Before we started reading, I explained the nature of the book and asked them if they wanted to read it, due to its difficulty and additional vocabulary.  They all said they wanted to give it a go.  My pride swelled for them in that moment and every time we read together for the next several weeks.

Unfortunately, there was no way that we were going to finish the book in the four or five weeks I had left in country, but we started reading it anyway and made it through the first few chapters.  After the first week of reading, I realized that I could try to add some positivity to my soon departure by sharing with the kids that we could watch the movie version of the book before I left.  This way, although the kids would still be sad about me leaving, they would also have something fun to which to look forward right before my departure, which hopefully would make my leaving slightly more manageable for these precious angels. Anything I could do to make that transition easier for them, I would.

My kids have never seen any sort of motion picture before, so this was a very exciting proposition.  You should have seen their little faces when I told them about this idea.  They could barely sit still.  So, for four or five weeks, we read a few pages at the beginning of English class each day, and their excitement about the upcoming movie continued to grow. 

After a very sad Friday, my last day of teaching, my babies began to trickle in to school the following morning.  It sounds silly to say trickle ‘in’ because our school is essentially an ‘outdoor’ school, meaning the classrooms are in the shape of a horseshoe and you have to walk outside to move from one classroom to another. Our movie viewing Saturday was also the same Saturday of our follow up 'saving for secondary school' meeting where returned to Stella Maris with all of the needed documentation, and money, to open up a savings account for their child for secondary school.  A big day at Stella Maris, for sure.

Although I told pupils that they did not have to wear their uniform to our movie-watching event, some parents would not let their children leave home to attend a school function in anything but their uniform.  Thus, children arrived, some in uniform and some so excited, and proud, of their non-school clothes. The original plan was to watch our movie in the conference room of the lodge.  Teddy, as awesome as she always is, graciously agreed that we could use this room for our special occasion.  I believe her exact words were something like “Of  course, you can.  The hotel is for the school, right?”.  Reason 898040 why I love her.  As I made my way out of the hotel that Saturday morning for the parent meeting at the school, I checked in with Teddy to confirm that we could use the conference room, which has only been used twice during my entire time in Tanzania.   Unfortunately, Teddy forgot that on this lovely Saturday late morning/early afternoon, the conference room was very surprisingly being used.  So, that moved us to Option B of where to watch the movie: the P5 classroom – the one classroom that the electricity works in the school.  During the parent meeting, we tested the projector to make sure that a) it worked in the room and b) that you could see the image on the board.  Thankfully, the classrooms are ‘dark’ enough that the projector light was bright, allowing the projected image to be seen clearly.  

Conference room crisis averted, I called scholars together at 11 o’clock to begin our movie watching in the P5 classroom.  Extremely excited eleven and twelve year old children settled down into seats, and I began to set up the projector.  After several minutes of trying, checking the wires, making sure the outlet was turned on, yes, in Tanzania you have to turn on the outlet before power will run through it, we, the children and I, realized that the power was out.  :( And of course, the lodge’s generator does not reach the school, so we had no power to watch our highly anticipated movie.

Deep breath.  No problem.  We will find a way.  We HAVE to find a way, as I cannot let the 27 loves of my life down.  So, because it is Tanzania and it is common to leave children unattended, I left Siggy in charge of keeping everyone in line and walked back over the lodge.  I found Teddy, explained the situation to her and we decided that it would be best to bring the kids to the lodge and we could watch the movie in the dining area on the empty wall between the dining area and the lobby.  The only problem was that the dining area has large, large windows without any blinds or shades along the rather long sides of the rectangular room.  Teddy said that she would have the landscaping staff, Jordan and Masaii, hang some makeshift curtains on the windows closest to where we would watch the movie.  I walked back to the school, explained the situation to the kids and set expectations for how we would act in the lodge.  They of course complied and the appeal of our movie-watching endeavor increased as it now included watching inside the prestigious lodge.

Walking from the school to the lodge. 

My 27 loves and I trucked over to Option C of a viewing location, the lodge, computer, projector, and all the needed cables in hand. By the time we made our way over, Teddy had had Jordan and Masaii set up 27 chairs for my babies and they were beginning to hang up the curtains.  It was then just before noon, and the babies were patiently waiting for the projector materials to be set up again as well as the curtains to be hung to darken the room enough for the image to be visible on the wall.  The projector was set up well before the curtains, read extra blankets, comforters, etc, were hung, so in the meantime, we got a soda for each child to 'drink and be merry', and try to forget that they were waiting with nothing to do, while the setup was continuing.  Once 12:30 had passed, mind you, an hour and a half after the ‘start’ time of our movie viewing, Jordan and Masaii were still hanging up ‘curtains’ because the dining area was not yet dark enough – trust me, the kids asked me to start the movie again and see if we could see the image about every five minutes.  I looked around the dining area and made an executive decision that the space was just not going to get dark enough to view this movie.

Location Option C: the dining area of the lodge

My babies.  They HAVE to watch this movie.  Slight panic slowly seeped in, so I ran upstairs to grab some snacks to distribute to the kids as I figured out Plan D of a viewing location.  While I was running into my room, I realized how dark the hallway on the first floor was.  I wished to myself that the dining area could be as dark as the hallway.  Then it hit me.  If, big if, there were not any guests on one of the floors of the lodge, maybe Teddy would allow us to sit in the hallway and watch the movie.  The hallway would not be as fancy or nice – we could have to sit on the floor – but if we could actually see the movie, it would be a better alternative than our current spot.  I passed out the snacks, crackers with peanut butter in the middle, and made my way to Teddy to ask for another favor.  Teddy definitely looked at me like I was kichaa, crazy, when I originally asked to move my 27 loves to the hallway to watch the movie.  But, when she realized that there were not any guests staying on the second floor, she was agreeable.

I grabbed a couple of kids to help me move the computer, projector and the cables up to the second floor hallway, and to test this somewhat-crazy, hallway-viewing idea of mine out before moving 27 kids for the second time.  Thankfully, the width of the hallway was just wide enough from one spot in the hallway for the projector to display the image on the opposite wall large enough for all to easily see it. And, it was definitely dark enough to see the image clearly.  But, the only place where the hallway was wide enough to do this, of course, had a column in the middle of the floor - meaning that we would have to sit around the column, but beggars can’t be choosers and we were definitely beggars at this point.  So, with the assistance of my helpers, we got everything set up and went downstairs to collect everyone and move to Option D of a movie-viewing location. 

Just before 2:00, almost three full hours after our movie watching was supposed to begin, we actually started the movie in a space where we could see it. :) The kids were great.  They didn’t complain once about having to sit on the cold, hard floor.  They were so excited to watch the pages that we read in class come to life.  They controlled their responses to the silly/funny/odd parts of the movie, people flying, people running through walls, Harry talking to a snake, so well and they were captivated by every moment of the movie.  It was a great time.  We had popcorn and laughed a lot.  As the movie continued on, the kids got more ‘comfortable’ on the floor, sprawling out and leaning on one another.  I brought every pillow, sweatshirt, blanket, etc that I could find from my room to make the hallway more comfortable for my 27 loves. 

Location Option D: Success!

Getting comfy on the cold, hard floor!

One pillow, six girls? No problem!

About two hours into the movie, the movie that another American volunteer so kindly transferred to my computer so that I did not have to run around trying to find Harry Potter in Tanzania or rely on the internet to view the movie, the movie just stopped.  I had never watched the movie on my computer before our P5 viewing party, so I did not know that for some reason the entire movie did not transfer to my computer.  However, the part of the movie where it cut off was somewhat of a natural pause, read not in the middle of a cliff-hanger scene, and since we got such a late start of watching anyway, the kids were all fine with our movie watching stopping there.  I promised them that I would find a way to get the entire movie to them in the next couple of months, even if meant mailing the movie to the lodge from America. 

Quite an eventful day.  Not what I expected the day to hold.  But that has always been one of my favorite things about Tanzania: things often don’t go as planned, but somehow they almost always work out.  All of the logistical glitches and moments of stress were far worth seeing my P5 loves smile from ear to ear and belly laugh throughout the movie.  So glad that this was the way that P5 and I got to say our final farewell.   

One of the hardest goodbyes of my entire life.