In general, life is one, big, balancing act. I would say anyone over the age of 15
would probably agree with that. In
my still young, quickly
approaching old age life, I have had the blessing and the curse of learning
how to balance multiple things at one time on several different occasions. When I was a young child, I lived
between two houses and became the world’s youngest, most efficient packer. It seemed that I was always packing a
bag as I went from one house to another.
In high school, I was in every club imaginable as well as being an
insanely driven and devoted athlete.
In college, I had two very different groups of friends, both of whom I
loved, but between whom I had to split my time. When I moved to New York after college, I had to learn how
to balance building my first, real,
on-my-own, adult life, keeping up
with my college friends and finding a
way to make sure that my family did
not feel neglected.
I suppose all of those events prepared me for now, for this
moment: the biggest juggling act of my life thus
far. As I sit on the plane,
now somewhere between the Netherlands and Boston, I feel like I am having an
out-of-body experience. I spent
the entire leg of my journey between Tanzania and Amsterdam trading on and off
between crying and sleeping. I literally was doing one or the other the
entire plane ride. When I got
to Amsterdam, I was able to connect to the internet for a short time before the
free airport internet ‘ran out’.
The internet, for even a short time, was a true heaven sent, as I got to
chat via What’sApp with Teddy and Inno for a few minutes. Thank
you God for the wonders of technology. Being able to text back and forth with them eased my anxiety, fears
and sadness at least for a few minutes.
Plus, even though it was three o’clock in the morning in Michigan, my
wise beyond his years baby brother was awake and was very comforting in his
texts to me as well. Texting him
reminded me that although I have dreaded every second of coming home, I am
fortunate to have many blessings, like Nick and the rest of my family, waiting
for my return to the States.
But, I am now on another
plane, lost again in my thoughts.
I am returning to several familiar pieces of my former American
life. I get to spend a few days
with my amazing family in Michigan before my mom and godmother pack up my life again and return me and all of my belongings to New York. Back to my old, Brooklyn apartment which I love and back to the job I left last December to move to
Tanzania which I also love. Returning
to familiar things is one of the saving graces in this transition, and I am
trying my best to not take that for granted.
Since I am returning to known entities, arguably I should find
comfort in the familiarity. I,
however, am not the same. Tanzania
has changed me. Now, this is not
my first rodeo of returning to the States from a developing country, or from
Africa specifically for that matter.
And, in all fairness, my time in Ghana was just as special to me as my
time in Tanzania. But after living
in Tanzania for over half a year, finding my own Tanzanian family and falling
in love the with the kids of Stella Maris over and over again each day, I have
truly left a part of me, and a part of my
heart, in Tanzania.
My life in America could not be more different than my life
in Tanzania. Please note the following rant is written entirely in generalizations
and I fully realize the weakness of any argument grounded in generalizations. Everything in America has
a deadline, a specified timeline and harsh consequences for missing either of
those. Especially when you work for a successful charter network on the East
Coast and agreed to teach a full class load and
serve as an instructional leader.
Unlike the relaxed, you are never
really late (even if you are three hours late) approach in Tanzania. In
America, there are a lot less dirt roads in
the places I will be frequenting and I will have to readjust to driving on
the opposite side of the street.
In America, it is easy to get caught up in complexities of life that I
really enjoyed evaporating into thin air in Tanzania. In America, the Internet will be
the speed of light and almost always working. Unlike in Tanzania,
where there is always the possibility of the Internet not working, and if it is
working, it is probably moving rather slow. In America, people will keep their heads down and spend
most of their days thinking about their to do lists, their busy schedule and
their personal life. In America,
life is just hectic. And often less
fulfilling. For me.
So now, I have to figure out how to be present in America, read: not lamenting or dwelling on the fact
that I am not in Tanzania. And
I have to be present in my life that is my American life – while holding onto
the people, the traditions, the aspects of daily life of Tanzania. At this current moment, where my emotions are sky rocketing and my
optimism has temporarily hit rock bottom, the ability to merge these two
worlds seems marginal at best.
Naturally, it will take me some time to get back into the American swing
of things. But the question I
really have to decide for myself is do I want to get back into that swing?
How do I bring my adjusted self back to my former life? How
do I hold onto the parts of my personality that I have strengthened in
Tanzanian culture when American culture is so different?
These are questions that will take quite some time to
process. I recognize my adjustment
will not happen over night and I obviously have a lot to process. I envision it being an uphill battle
for a while, but that battle is far, far worth it. The battle, and all of its hardships and causalities, is
more than worth it because of the value of the experience of the last seven months
of my life.
So, this will be my last post for now.
Without a shadow of a doubt, I will be returning to
Tanzania. Sooner rather than later hopefully, and hopefully for another extended
period of time. Until those
details are finalized, my writing will take a hiatus. But, I figured the best way to close this amazing,
life-changing, fulfilling, rewarding, educational, remarkable chapter of my
life would be to share a few final pictures.
Thank you, Tanzania, for everything.
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| My farewell note to P5. |
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| Their reply. |
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