It's So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday

Boyz II Men sure got it right when they wrote that hit song of theirs back in the 1990s.

Friday was one of the hardest days of my life.  It was my last day at Stella Maris English Medium Primary School. For now.  As comforting as the for now should be, reminding me that Tanzania and Stella Maris are not going anywhere, it is not providing any solace at the current moment.

On July 1^st, I reminded the children that I would be returning to America at the end of the month. Of course, I had shared that with them when we first met back during the first week of school, but I decided to remind them at the beginning of the month.  I did not want even one of them to feel like I was pulling the rug from underneath them when it really was time for me to leave.  I again reminded them at the end of last week, my second to last week, that this week would be my last week.  I even put a sad face next to the date on the chalkboard each day of my last week, explaining on Monday that I was writing that sad face because I was so sad about leaving at the end of the week. 

Preparation is the right to success, right? Wrong.  Well, not really wrong, but preparedness did not help in this instance.  Friday still came and it was still horrible.

I taught all of my regular classes to P4 and P5, and much to my pupils’ chagrin, we actually did work.  They had collectively decided that we did not need to do any ‘real’ schoolwork on my last day and instead, we should have fun and play games all day.  They forgot whom they were dealing with.  But, I did ask Mama Shayo if I could teach one of the two-block, Friday afternoon religion classes to P4 and the other block to P5 on my last day.  She kindly agreed.  So, during religion class, which I have yet to see actually be used for anything religious, we lived it up.  We did word searches, played games and made bracelets. 

Then, after lunch, before the babies of P1 and P2 headed home for the day and the rest of the school prepared for their last two classes, Mama Shayo called a whole school assembly – to properly bid me off.  With the entire school lined up like morning assembly, the grades I taught sang me some songs and then P5 read a letter they had written to me. Imagine watching all of the kids you have been teaching for the year fall apart in front of your eyes, tears rolling down their cheeks, while singing a ‘Stella Maris version’ of Michael Jackson’s Free Willy theme song where they tell you how much they will miss you and please come back soon.  That was my reality Friday afternoon.  Like I needed any prompted to start crying.  That rendition, and seeing the damp faces of my special little people unable to contain their sadness, began my water works that would continue for the next three days.  After their song, I hugged each of them and the tears just kept coming.

The last thing I wanted to do at that moment was separate myself from the kids.  I wanted to sit with them in their afternoon classes and pitch in with afternoon cleaning.  Mama Shayo had different plans, however.  She had arranged a special lunch, kuku na chipsi, fried chicken and French fries, for all of the teachers and it was waiting in the teachers’ room for us.  So, Mama Shayo dragged me away, literally, from the kids.  Afternoon classes were cancelled and the kids started cleaning early, while the teachers all sat together feasting on our special farewell meal.  The teachers gave me a lovely card and a very beautiful piece of wax fabric, the most esteemed fabric in Tanzania, to take home with me.  As absolutely sweet as that gesture was, it pales in comparison to the numerous, homemade notes I received, on decorated and folded loose-leaf paper, from an overwhelming about of children that I teach.  Teachers ate and drank while my lovely kids worked tirelessly around the school to prepare it for the upcoming school week. 

When I finally felt that I would not offend Mama Shayo or any of the other teachers by excusing myself from my farewell lunch, I went to collect the gifts I had – for the teachers and children.  I distributed a few teacher supplies to each of the teachers, including a bunch of stickers that they were very excited about and then I made my way over the kids.  I had Inno take a picture of me with each of the grades I teach before I went in to their classrooms say my final words.  I spent the previous few days writing each of the kids a personalized letter on my homemade, from colored paper and stamps, cards.  The kids have written me such kind and heart-felt notes numerous times in the last six months, so I wanted them to have the experience of receiving such a letter so that they could understand what a kind gesture they were making when they did the same for others by feeling the love that comes with receiving a thoughtful note for themselves.  With my card, each of them a tube of toothpaste to go along with the toothbrushes they each received at the close of school before the April holiday.  I told them that each time they brushed their teeth in the morning and before bed that they should think of me – and that I would be doing the same from America.  Finally, each of them received a little trinket from me as a sign of my appreciation for what hard workers they are – colorful socks, silly bracelets, small notepads, etc.  It was interesting to watch the kids be so excited for their gifts while also looking so sad at the same time because they knew why they were getting these gifts. 

Some pictures from my last day of teaching.

P5 boys were having so much fun with their 'silly picture' poses. :)

The girls, however, were too cool to succumb to the silliness and remained stoic. 

An all staff picture after our farewell lunch. 

Cleaning finished, and the bell rang for the pupils to assemble for the end remarks and prayer.  I gave each child a final hug before they left and tried my best to keep a smile on my face, amidst my tears. No easy feat, let me tell you. 

How blessed I am to have something so hard to say goodbye to. 

A Day in the Life

As I am now beginning my last week in Tanzania, deep sigh, it dawned upon me that I have yet to share what my typical day/week is like. Better late than never, I suppose.

Let’s start with the fact that there is no typical day or week.  Living in a hotel brings a dimension of spontaneity into one’s life rather quickly. :) You never know what or when a guest is going to request something of you.  You also never know when an unexpected guest is going to pop up.  Finally, living and working in a hotel that is directly connected to the school, which happens to sit right in front of it, and as the live-in/on-site 24/7 person, you also never know when guests are going to inquire about the school, meander over to the school, want to learn about the school, request to observe a class, etc.  For a fairly organized and tremendously structured individual, I have found my flexibility skills have greatly increased in the last 6+ months as a result of this living environment of mine.  And, surprisingly enough, I have loved every second of it. 

There also have been multiple two-week periods in 2014 where the lodge has welcomed groups from an organization called International Service Learning to stay with us.  ISL sends groups of two to seventeen undergraduate and/or graduate students preparing for a career in medicine to developing countries to set up mobile health clinics in areas that have marginal, if any, access to regular health care.  Teddy is the official leader of these groups, and doesn’t get a ‘free pass’ on being hotel manager during these groups’ visits, so after my first few months, I began assisting Teddy with these groups so that her load was a little less massive.  Still massive though, mind you.  So, when we are hosting an ISL group, I translate at their clinics on weekend/non-school days and during the school week, I join the group for whatever their late afternoon/early evening activity is, whether it be a tour of Moshi, bartering for souvenirs, eating at a restaurant in town, enjoying a waterfall hike, etc. 

All that being said, from 7:30am to 4:00pm, I spend my time at school.  Our school day is as follows:

7:30 – 8:00      Morning Assembly: kinesthetics, singing, and closing with prayer

8:00 – 10:00    First three classes of the morning

10:00 – 10:20  Morning Break for Children/Tea Time for Teachers

10:20 – 12:20  Final three classes of the morning

12:20 – 1:20    Lunch and Recess

1:20 – 2:40     Afternoon Classes

2:40 – 3:30     Cleaning/Free Time

Children getting ready for morning assembly. 

Each day I teach at least four classes, sometimes more depending upon the day, of math and English to the two oldest grades we currently have, P4 and P5.  Usually I teach three out of my four classes before lunch.  Once lunch and recess are finished at 1:20, I usually have only one additional class.  I spend my prep periods, periods of the day where I am not teaching, grading papers, preparing homework assignment, writing exams, working in the library or completing other Stella Maris School or Lodge tasks. At 2:40, all classes end and children begin cleaning the school building and grounds.  Each day, every floor is swept and mopped.  Children are assigned different days of the week to clean their classrooms and it really is quite a production to see dozens of child clean a school each afternoon – without any adult intervention and very little adult monitoring.  This is also the time that children, based upon gender and grade, can come to the library for reading, coloring, puzzles, etc.  I am the teacher who maintains the library and monitor its usage, so during cleaning each day, I am in the library with the assigned group for that day's library usage.  This very easily could be my favorite part of the day because it is when children who work so hard for the entire rest of the day get to actually be children - for a brief period of time.

 

End of the day cleaning. 

Once children make their way home for the day, I finish up any school related work that I did not get a chance to complete.  I try to go for a run or do some form of exercise and squeeze a meal in there somewhere.  I enjoy sitting and talking with Teddy before she goes home, and sometimes I go home with her for a bit in the evening to see my growing godchild.  I also am able to catch up with friends and family in the evenings – when the internet is working well enough.

The weekends are usually filled with some hotel-related work, but there are a few constant components of my weekend.  On Saturday mornings, I lead a tutoring group for P4 pupils in math to assist them in their preparation for their national exam in November of this year.  This will be the first time they are nationally tested and without passing the test, they cannot continue on to P5.  This ‘Saturday Academy’, as I call it, lasts for about two hours Saturday morning.  When our schedules permits, Teddy, Inno and I, or some of my mzungu friends, devour a delicious lunch at the most mzungu-ish place in the Moshi area called Melinda’s.  The food is absolutely delectable and the ambiance of this outdoor restaurant is just stunning.  They even have the most comfortable tree swing hanging from this absolutely gigantic I-don’t-know-what-kind-of-tree-it-is.  On Sunday, I attend the 9am Children’s Mass at the church next door to the school.  I prefer the children’s mass to the other two adult masses because I get to sit with and celebrate mass as well as I can in Swahili with many of the Stella Maris kids.

Melinda's Outdoor Restaurant

Some of her out of this world food!

Between the work of the school and the hotel, days and weeks go by rather quickly, for there is always something that needs to be done.  Speaking of done, the livening up of the P4 and P5 classrooms with academic content is now complete.  I cannot thank volunteer Cindi from Chicago enough for sharing her artistic talents with our school community.  Cindi was the mastermind behind the images - the queen, the animals and the sprucing up of the charts while I stuck to writing the words, charts and shapes you see.  I would say we made a pretty good team, but you can decide for yourself. :)

P5 specific content:

P4 specific content:

Material found in both classrooms: 

Walk a Mile in My Shoes

We’ve all heard a version of this phrase more times than we can probably count:  Before you judge another, walk a mile in his shoes. 

This great universal truth, which was actually was going to be the thirteenth universal truth in my most recent post, but then I realized that there was too much to share about this particular truth than the one-liners in my previous post could capture, has taken a whole meaning for me in the past few weeks, and particularly the last few days.

A couple of months back, I began paying closer attention to the shoes that my kids wear to school.  In doing so, I realized that I had been completely oblivious to how worn, tattered and old many of the shoes of my kids really were.  Now, I am not talking about gently worn or even roughly worn here; I am talking about holes so large that socks are sticking out and soles that disconnect from the rest of the shoe every time a child takes a step. I guess I wasn't paying attention to their shoes because I could care less about their shoes' condition. However, as an advocate for the Stella Maris children, I also feel that it is part of my duty while here to be as in tune as possible to as many aspect of my kids' lives as I can be.  

Once I began to notice my kids' shoes, the condition of many of their shoes began eating away at me, as would be the case with anyone with half a heart in the same situation. To make matters even worse, all of the Stella Maris kids walk great distances to get to school – on average over an hour one – way to/from school each day. Knowing the amount of time they spend walking made this shoe situation even worse in my eyes because if any child needs his or her shoes to be strong and protective, it is a child who walks more than two hours each day.   

Since Stella Maris continues to be blessed with such generous donors, I decided that the very least I should do is share our need for all-black school shoes with upcoming visitors of the hotel and school.  Like always, shoes started coming as soon as people learned there was a need.  My family even brought over several such shoes that my godmother had collected for the Stella Maris kids. Thank you so very much, Mary, for your continued generosity. 

It took some time to convince Mama Shayo that it was fair to give children who needed new shoes new shoes even though there were not enough shoes for each child in the school to receive a pair.  I explained that if a child already had shoes that were in good condition, it did not make sense to give that child a new pair of shoes.  Conversely, since we had received a small collection of new shoes, it would not be fair to keep those shoes from children who really need a new pair.  After approval from Mama Shayo that we could indeed distribute the shoes that we had, even though we did not have enough to give every child in the school, I got right to work in identifying the children in greatest need.

Since our shoe collection was limited, I called upon the children with the most worn shoes to receive new shoes first.  Thankfully, we had enough new pairs of shoes to match the size of all of the children who were in the greatest, greatest need of new shoes.  That really was such a significant blessing.  I don't know what I would have done if there wasn't an appropriately sized shoe for all of children in the greatest need.  

In order to try to decrease children’s inquiries as to why some children were getting new shoes and other were not, all ‘shoe shopping’ was done after school dismissed.  However, after the first day, where I kept only three kids, the three kids with the worst looking shoes in the entire school, after school for a few moments, everyone quickly learned what happened when Madam Jesca asked you to ‘stay after school for a few moments’.

I did have a few brave souls directly ask me why some kids were getting new shoes and others were not.  I simply explained that it is only fair to give someone something when they really, really need it and not just because they want it.  I continued on and explained that there were not enough shoes for every pupil to have a new pair, so we had to make sure the people who actually needed new shoes received a pair.  Although this was a new concept - usually everyone gets the same something or no one gets anything - the kids began to understand the fairness in this approach and stopped asking about it. 

Mack's old shoes. 

Mack, the first child to receive new shoes, in his new shoes.  

Subira's shoes: old and new. 

Diana's shoe swap. 

Diana could not contain her excitement about her new shoes!

Theresia.

Jackeline. 

Theresia and Jackeline proudly sporting their new shoes. 

I cannot thank all of the people who have sent or are preparing to send shoes to our school enough.  To date, fifteen children have received new shoes.  The gratitude that people, adults and children alike, show when receiving small gifts will never grow old.  As my return to America is vastly approaching, deep sigh and holding back tears, I pray that I can bring the level of appreciation that I see here on a daily basis home with me and keep it at the center of my life.

Universal Truths

It probably comes as no surprise that I have grown tremendously during the last half year in Tanzania.  My patience level has increased, my perspective on life has changed and my priorities are currently being rearranged.  And, each day I come face to face with some of the most obvious life lessons that we, or I, in America seem to quickly forget when 'life' happens.  Here are twelve simple truths of which I am reminded daily.  

1. Steal the Bacon is a sure way to capture the hearts of children, regardless of continent.

2. Joy really is found in the simplest things. 

3. The glass is half empty or half full….or a good eye patch. 

4. None of us can do great things.  But we can do small things with great love. 

5. Dance to the beat of your own drum. 

6. Don't take yourself too seriously.

7. Reading gives our imagination wings. 

8. A watermelon a day keeps the doctor away.

9. 90% of communication is non-verbal. 

10. There is always sunshine after the storm.

11. A day without laughter is a day wasted.  

12. No man can sincerely try to help another without also helping himself.  

Shamila, Shamila

The beauty in this picture is Shamila, Teddy’s daughter, taken just hours after she was born.  While everyone at home is celebrating the birth of beautiful America, we in Tanzania – and by we I mean I – are celebrating the birth of this little one, as she is officially four months old today! 

Mtoto mdogo (litte baby) Shamila, like her mother and the rest of her family, has been such a gem in my life already in her first few months of life.  Shamila was born in the evening of March 4^th, a mere six hours before my birthday on the 5^th.  I told Teddy back during one of the first few days of March, when Shamila was already three weeks past her scheduled date of arrival, that since she had carried Shamila for so long already, she now had to wait until my birthday to deliver her – so that we could forever be birthday twins.  What was a few more days after nine and a half months? Spoken like a true not–yet–mother.  Although I really wanted us to share the same birthday, Shamila had other plans.  We missed out on the chance to be bonded by birthdays, but fortunately for me, an even more special bond was forged instead.

As soon as Shamila was born, I started spending all of the waking moments that I could spare at Teddy’s house – once my obligations at school and the hotel were completed.  Some of my happiest and most cherished moments in Tanzania have been when Teddy, Inno, Teddy’s girls and I have been sitting in Teddy’s living room, talking, laughing, dancing – with Shamila permanently glued to my arms, of course.  It got to the point that as soon as I walked in the house and finished greeting everyone, whomever was holding Shamila at the time would get up and pass her over to me.  Just like that.  Holding that baby in my arms, and watching her grow, has truly been one of my greatest joys over the past few months.

Happy four months to this angel!

So, I earned the title mama mdogo, which means little mother in Swahili.  And, it became the running joke both at the hotel and in Teddy's neighborhood that Teddy was Shamila’s black mother and I was her white mother.  The comedy, I tell you. :)  And then, about a month after Shamila was born, Teddy did me the greatest, most unexpected, but most treasured honor of asking me to be Shamila’s godmother. 

Being here for her first few months of life has been such a blessing!

Let me tell you: there are not many things that I feel more proud of in this world, or that I hold closer to my heart for that matter.  This beautiful, sweet, best baby ever – she NEVER cries, healthy angel is my godchild?! I think I was on a natural high for weeks after Teddy asked me.  Teddy and I have grown so close during the time that I have been here, and her decision to include me in Shamila’s life forever in such a meaningful way has strengthened our relationship even more. 

So today, on the Fourth of July, my fellow wazungu (white people) friends, who have become my support system and my ‘fix’ of American culture over the last half year, and I definitely will be celebrating the good old U.S. of A all the way from Tanzania.  As we decorate our faces with patriotic tattoos and dedicate all of tonight’s fun to our recognition of the privilege that comes with being American citizen in today’s world,  I will also be profusely thanking God for the blessing of my most precious goddaughter. 

Happy Fourth from Tanzania!

14 Hour Work Days

It is July 1st.  I cannot believe it. In honor of the start of this month, my last month in Tanzania (for now), I decided that I would work extra long and extra hard today.  Not really.  I did not 'decide' anything - today just happened to pan out to be a very full day of work. 

My day began at the regular time today, 7:00am.  I taught for the first three classes of the day like usual, worked with a few kids who needed some individualized attention during the 'morning break' at 10am, graded some of P4's end of the month (June) math exams for the next 45 minutes, before I taught my last two classes of the day.  At the conclusion of that second class, it was time for lunch.  As children began to be prepare lunch to be served, I ushered P5 out of their usual classroom and into the P2 classroom so that Cindi, a volunteer from Chicago, and I could paint in the P5 classroom this afternoon. 

Cindi, an absolutely wonderful artist, and I have been working diligently on sprucing up the classrooms of the two oldest grades (P4 and P5) by drawing, painting and adding some 'fun' to grade-specific charts of important math and English skills.  For example, in P4, we added a number line, multiplication chart, fraction model, area and perimeter formulas, place value table and parts of speech definitions. We began working on P4 this past Friday.  We worked for a couple of hours on both Friday and Saturday in P4 and then for about 10 hours on Sunday to finish up it up.  Yesterday, we began working in P5, adding a chart of prime numbers up to 100, parts of speech definitions, number line again, evens and odds definitions, possession chart, and a few important mathematical reminders like 0 X any number = 0. 

So today, after my teaching obligations were completed at 12:30, and until 9 o'clock this evening, Cindi and I painted.  And painted and painted.  Cindi is returning to the States tomorrow, so we wanted to get as much of the P5 classroom completed as we could today and take advantage of her awesome artistic talent for long as possible. :)  There will be a handful of final additions/touch ups for me to finish up once Cindi goes home, but after almost 9 hours of painting, we can proudly say that all of the 'major' additions to P5's classroom are complete and look great in my humble opinion.

Usually my 'work' here never ends, in the sense that a guest can need something at the hotel at any point during the day or night for that matter, for which I am on call.  Thankfully I have only been woken up in the middle of the night a couple of times, but it is always a possibility.  Even when there is not a specific, work-related task to complete, Teddy and I are usually discussing something connected to the hotel, whether it be reorganizing the office or deciding what we need the fundi to make next or reviewing the guests who will be visiting us in the few next weeks. In this regard, today's 'work time' was no different than any other day.  However, spending 14 straight hours at Stella Maris School, 13 of which were on my feet, was a first.

Today's school-related work load was very comparable to my regular, East Coast charter school daily work load.  Which has not usually been the case here, as I do not bring work 'home' with me most nights and I rarely have to work on the weekend - unless I choose to do so.  With the vast differences that exist between American and Tanzanian daily life and cultures, sometimes it is easily to remember that some things are universal: there will always be work to done in schools that are still growing to full scale, like Stella Maris and the two charter schools I have worked for in New York. Although I definitely felt tired as I walked back into the lodge tonight a few minutes after 9:00, it was a good tired.  It is days like today, where I will be asleep before my head hits the pillow, that I find myself happiest.  It is a blessing to know that you a part of something bigger than yourself and it is an honor to do know that your work, no matter how big or small, is helping to propel that 'something bigger' forward in a positive direction.

Pictures of the new and improved P4 and P5 classrooms coming soon!