It's So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday

Boyz II Men sure got it right when they wrote that hit song of theirs back in the 1990s.

Friday was one of the hardest days of my life.  It was my last day at Stella Maris English Medium Primary School. For now.  As comforting as the for now should be, reminding me that Tanzania and Stella Maris are not going anywhere, it is not providing any solace at the current moment.

On July 1^st, I reminded the children that I would be returning to America at the end of the month. Of course, I had shared that with them when we first met back during the first week of school, but I decided to remind them at the beginning of the month.  I did not want even one of them to feel like I was pulling the rug from underneath them when it really was time for me to leave.  I again reminded them at the end of last week, my second to last week, that this week would be my last week.  I even put a sad face next to the date on the chalkboard each day of my last week, explaining on Monday that I was writing that sad face because I was so sad about leaving at the end of the week. 

Preparation is the right to success, right? Wrong.  Well, not really wrong, but preparedness did not help in this instance.  Friday still came and it was still horrible.

I taught all of my regular classes to P4 and P5, and much to my pupils’ chagrin, we actually did work.  They had collectively decided that we did not need to do any ‘real’ schoolwork on my last day and instead, we should have fun and play games all day.  They forgot whom they were dealing with.  But, I did ask Mama Shayo if I could teach one of the two-block, Friday afternoon religion classes to P4 and the other block to P5 on my last day.  She kindly agreed.  So, during religion class, which I have yet to see actually be used for anything religious, we lived it up.  We did word searches, played games and made bracelets. 

Then, after lunch, before the babies of P1 and P2 headed home for the day and the rest of the school prepared for their last two classes, Mama Shayo called a whole school assembly – to properly bid me off.  With the entire school lined up like morning assembly, the grades I taught sang me some songs and then P5 read a letter they had written to me. Imagine watching all of the kids you have been teaching for the year fall apart in front of your eyes, tears rolling down their cheeks, while singing a ‘Stella Maris version’ of Michael Jackson’s Free Willy theme song where they tell you how much they will miss you and please come back soon.  That was my reality Friday afternoon.  Like I needed any prompted to start crying.  That rendition, and seeing the damp faces of my special little people unable to contain their sadness, began my water works that would continue for the next three days.  After their song, I hugged each of them and the tears just kept coming.

The last thing I wanted to do at that moment was separate myself from the kids.  I wanted to sit with them in their afternoon classes and pitch in with afternoon cleaning.  Mama Shayo had different plans, however.  She had arranged a special lunch, kuku na chipsi, fried chicken and French fries, for all of the teachers and it was waiting in the teachers’ room for us.  So, Mama Shayo dragged me away, literally, from the kids.  Afternoon classes were cancelled and the kids started cleaning early, while the teachers all sat together feasting on our special farewell meal.  The teachers gave me a lovely card and a very beautiful piece of wax fabric, the most esteemed fabric in Tanzania, to take home with me.  As absolutely sweet as that gesture was, it pales in comparison to the numerous, homemade notes I received, on decorated and folded loose-leaf paper, from an overwhelming about of children that I teach.  Teachers ate and drank while my lovely kids worked tirelessly around the school to prepare it for the upcoming school week. 

When I finally felt that I would not offend Mama Shayo or any of the other teachers by excusing myself from my farewell lunch, I went to collect the gifts I had – for the teachers and children.  I distributed a few teacher supplies to each of the teachers, including a bunch of stickers that they were very excited about and then I made my way over the kids.  I had Inno take a picture of me with each of the grades I teach before I went in to their classrooms say my final words.  I spent the previous few days writing each of the kids a personalized letter on my homemade, from colored paper and stamps, cards.  The kids have written me such kind and heart-felt notes numerous times in the last six months, so I wanted them to have the experience of receiving such a letter so that they could understand what a kind gesture they were making when they did the same for others by feeling the love that comes with receiving a thoughtful note for themselves.  With my card, each of them a tube of toothpaste to go along with the toothbrushes they each received at the close of school before the April holiday.  I told them that each time they brushed their teeth in the morning and before bed that they should think of me – and that I would be doing the same from America.  Finally, each of them received a little trinket from me as a sign of my appreciation for what hard workers they are – colorful socks, silly bracelets, small notepads, etc.  It was interesting to watch the kids be so excited for their gifts while also looking so sad at the same time because they knew why they were getting these gifts. 

Some pictures from my last day of teaching.

P5 boys were having so much fun with their 'silly picture' poses. :)

The girls, however, were too cool to succumb to the silliness and remained stoic. 

An all staff picture after our farewell lunch. 

Cleaning finished, and the bell rang for the pupils to assemble for the end remarks and prayer.  I gave each child a final hug before they left and tried my best to keep a smile on my face, amidst my tears. No easy feat, let me tell you. 

How blessed I am to have something so hard to say goodbye to.